Unintentional Read online

  I know I can be that man for her. I would never do to her what Jeremy did. The idiot. It infuriates me that a man who had it all could be so stupid. How could anyone cheat on a girl like Mattie? She’s the most kind-hearted, thoughtful, and sweet person I’ve ever met.

  I hope he’s suffering for his mistake. And her ex-best friend Sarah? She has to be the shallowest and most conniving person around to toss out her friendship with Mattie for some womanizer. They deserve each other.

  The lines of my friendship with Mattie have been blurring for some time now. I sense she’s ready to move on from her heartbreak. We’ve always had an affectionate, but mostly platonic relationship. Lately, though, I’ve noticed her hugs have been a little tighter, a little longer. Her head rests softly on my shoulder, her body snuggling in close while we watch movies. It’s driving me a little crazy, but I like it. Mattie is finally letting go of Jeremy, I’m sure of it.

  Tonight is the night I hope things change for us. I’m diving in, no looking back. I’m ready, and I’m pretty certain she is also. If things go the way I think they will, I’ll be the happiest man on earth.

  I stop at her apartment building and wait outside at our usual meeting spot. It’s become our routine; every weekend, Mattie comes to watch my band, Hard Reign, play at local nightclubs.

  Mattie exits her building at the normal time, but tonight, it’s not routine, not usual at all. It’s her, wearing the most sensual, daring dress I’ve ever seen her in. Oh my God, she’s stunning. My mouth is trying to form words as I open the car door for her. She has a sly smile on her face. She knows exactly what she’s doing to me. I shake my head, trying to snap out of it. The atmosphere hums with tension, sexual tension. I already know this night is going to be great.

  Three hours later, the band has almost completed our set. I’ve asked my band mates, Mica, Ayden, and Scott, if I may dedicate a song to Mattie. They’ve known for months how I feel about her. I can’t keep pretending I don’t want her. I want her in the most desperate way. I turn to Mattie and sing “Ho Hey” by the Lumineers directly to her.

  Mattie’s eyes are shining back at me. Her hand is on her chest. With that small gesture, I know tonight will be different. We’ve been holding our feelings back for so long. Tonight, we’ll be together, and I don’t plan on ever letting her go.

  Once I finish the last note, I rip the guitar off and head right for her. Her expression, it’s everything I’d hoped for. Her eyes are glistening with tears as her gaze locks onto mine. I’m going to kiss her, and nothing is going to stop me. I’ve wanted to kiss her since we first met three months ago.

  I stride over to Mattie, take her in my arms, and press my lips gently against hers. I don’t know how she’s going to react, so I plan to take it slowly. I feel her body melt into mine. A soft breath escapes her as she puts her arms around my neck and leans in. That’s all the encouragement I need. I pull her close and deepen the kiss, sweeping my tongue across her lips. Mattie softly moans as she shifts closer, responding to the pent up desire I’ve let loose. I’m hanging on for dear life. I have one hand grasping her hair and the other fisted in her dress. I’ve never felt such passion, ever. I’m so consumed with the kiss, I can barely hear all the cheering, laughing, and clapping that’s exploding around the nightclub. All I can think about is Mattie and this life-changing moment.

  Suddenly, I feel a hand grab my shirt and pull me back. I look up to see a dark-haired man who looks like he wants to kill me, with his raging eyes and clenched teeth. I try to figure out who he is, when I’m punched in the face, knocked to the floor.

  I don’t care who this guy is. He’s going down! I start to get up, when I notice a blonde girl taking a gun out of her purse. I decide to stay put. I don’t want any sudden movements possibly provoking this girl to pull the trigger, making a bad situation worse. Who the hell are these people?

  The girl holding the gun has crazy eyes. My instincts tell me to move, get to Mattie and protect her. But I’m still worried about the gun going off, possibly shooting Mattie. Panic starts to take root, making me freeze with indecision. I just want Mattie safe, away from here. I glance over at her.

  Mattie’s eyes are wide, and I hear her say softly, “Sarah.” Is this Sarah? The Sarah who slept with her ex-fiancé?

  That must mean… Oh no, the guy who hit me must be Jeremy. I look back at him. He’s turned the color of his shirt, a deep red. The sweat is dripping off his forehead. He looks over at Sarah with terror taking over his expression, eyes bulging, mouth opening and closing trying to form words. Did he bring her here?

  Sarah, with the gun shaking in her hands and a sneer on her face, asks Mattie, “You get to choose Mattie. I’m going to kill one of them – either your precious Jeremy, or your pretty Tattoo Boy over there.” She swings the gun back and forth between Jeremy and me. It’s confirmed, I’m looking at Mattie’s ex-fiancé.

  I see Mattie hesitate, she glances at both Jeremy and I, and calmly tells her that her choice is “Sarah”.

  Knowing what Mattie has done, Jeremy yells, “No!” Sarah, with hate-filled eyes, aims the gun at Mattie and pulls the trigger. I hear the sound of the gun before Mattie goes down.

  Oh my God, Mattie! As she falls, she hits her head on one of the tables. She’s only a few feet from me, so I start to go to her. As I take off my shirt to stop the flow of blood coming from the gunshot wound in her shoulder, I hear two more gunshots. I can’t think about it now. I’m not concerned about anyone or anything except Mattie.

  Before the gun shots, the crowd was gathering around, looking to see what the commotion was all about. After, they are scrambling out of the nightclub like bees after their nest has been smoked out. Everyone wants out – right now. Chairs and tables are being knocked over in the melee.

  Mattie‘s unconscious; I have to help her. I hear more shouting, and the guy, who I know now is Jeremy comes over and tries to shove me out of the way, but I’m not budging. He finally relents, and I stay, putting pressure on her wound. The nightclub has emptied out, with only a few people remaining. I take a look around and see Sarah lying on the floor about twenty feet away from us.

  I notice someone else on the ground. I think its Jerry, the club’s bouncer. This is a nightmare. The continued and rising panic doesn’t abate because the ambulance and police haven’t arrived yet.I’m about to yell for someone to call 911 again, when I finally hear the sirens. Mattie is going to be all right. She has to be.

  ∗∗∗

  It’s two in the morning and I’m finally at the hospital with Mattie. They’ve wheeled her right into surgery. The girl who started all of this was DOA, along with Jerry, the bouncer. Two people have died.

  I found out the girl with the gun was indeed Sarah. I just haven’t been clued in to why she was here and why she wanted to hurt Mattie. Didn’t she already hurt her enough?

  I’m in the waiting room with Jeremy. He’s running his fingers through his hair while pacing. I don’t trust myself to speak to him yet. I want to yell at him, blame him for everything that’s happened. Then, I want to punch him senseless. I need to totally withdraw, either that or they’ll be admitting Jeremy soon.

  Ayden, Mica, and Scott come barreling in around two-thirty in the morning, interrupting each other, asking about Mattie. I try to calm them down.

  “Guys! If you all stop talking at once I’ll tell you what I know.”

  That seems to shut them up for the moment.

  “Mattie is in surgery. The doctors removed the bullet from her shoulder and said she has a concussion. They assure me she should be okay. Okay guys? So please, just sit down. We can wait this out together.”

  I’m so exhausted and drained I really don’t want to talk to anyone right now. They sense what I’m feeling and back off.

  It’s four am before we get the news. Mattie is out of the woods. The doctors expect her to make a full recovery. She suffered a major concussion from her fall after she was shot. The doctors assure us that by tomorrow she’ll li
kely be conscious. My relief is indescribable. I lay my head back against the wall feeling like I can finally breathe again.

  Jeremy hears the news, stops his pacing and flops into the chair on the other side of the room. He puts his face in his hands and starts to cry. I look over at him in shock. If he loved Mattie this much, why in the hell did he cheat on her?

  ∗∗∗

  I literally feel like I’m going crazy. The idiot, Jeremy, continues pacing, driving all of us to the brink. Ayden, Mica and Scott remain with me in the waiting room. Part of me is glad they’ve stuck around; the other part wants to be alone with Jeremy.

  My hands are clasping and unclasping as I try to contain my anger. I know the guys remain because they care for Mattie. I also know they’re staying to make sure I don’t do what I really want. I want to pummel Jeremy and release the fury that started two days ago when he showed up with his crazy girlfriend or whoever she was.

  Before, Jeremy was always a ghost from Mattie’s past. Now, he’s real, and I want him to pay for hurting her, not once, but twice. He has no right to be here. I want him to leave, but I know by his body language, that’s not going to happen. Unless I use force…

  ∗∗∗

  It’s now Monday, and I still haven’t seen Mattie. The people who took Mattie in after her parents died are here now. Dan and Nancy Bailey arrived yesterday, and by the looks of them, they aren’t doing so well. They’ve lost their daughter Sarah to bloodshed and violence of her own making. She’s taken the life of an innocent man. Now they have to give Mattie the news about the two deaths – Sarah and Jerry. I’m sure they also feel horrible about the attempt on Mattie’s life. I watch them go down the hallway toward Mattie’s hospital room clinging to each other for support. I don’t think this will go well.

  I’m proven right when, after only a few minutes pass, the Baileys return to the waiting room. They’re both visibly shaken, with Nancy holding her face in her hands, crying softly. I want to reach out to her, but I’m interrupted by Jeremy.

  He kneels before Nancy Bailey and takes her hands in his. I forgot Jeremy knows the Baileys. He’s trying to play the good guy. I now have one more reason to hate him. What is he trying to do anyway? Is he trying to worm his way back into her life? He should know he doesn’t have a chance. Mattie would never settle for someone like him. He can’t talk his way out of this. He can’t explain away sleeping with her best friend.

  I try to subtly eavesdrop on their conversation. If he starts telling them lies, I know I’ll lose it. Scott, Mica, and Ayden have finally gone home, so there’s nothing to stop me. But I can hear Jeremy only comforting them, telling them how strong Mattie is and how she’ll be okay.

  I take a deep, calming breath. I need to keep this anger under control. I don’t want to make things worse for Mattie. She doesn’t need any more drama, so I’ll just have to reel it in.

  I haven’t slept in two days, and I can feel my body start to break down. I’m tired, hungry, and all I want to do is see Mattie. I’ve heard she is healing, that she’s physically doing much better, but how is she doing emotionally? I’ve considered sneaking into her room, but there’s always someone either in the waiting room or going in and out of her room.

  I slink lower in my seat and put my head back against the hard, plastic chair. All my senses are sluggish. Even the harsh odors of antiseptic and stale perfume have diminished considerably, no longer bothering me. My eyes sweep the waiting room once again. The few seats with cushions have been taken. Earlier this morning, there was a four-car accident on northbound I-405. One of the cars was filled with teenagers on a joy ride after shooting up meth. I feel a combination of frustration and pity for the boy waiting by himself. His knees are shaking uncontrollably, and he has his hands stashed under each leg. The parents of the injured children stare at him with a mixture of anger and confusion, like how did he survive untouched? We all sit together,each in our own version of hell.

  My eyes close of their own accord, drifting down toward an uneasy sleep. I wake up a few minutes later to Scott shaking me, loudly asking if I’m awake.

  “What the hell do you think? Man, I just fell asleep. Why are you waking me up?”

  Scott grimaces and shrugs. “Sorry, I didn’t realize. I just wanted to find out how Mattie is doing.”

  I can’t blame him. I chased the guys out yesterday, after they’d spent nearly twenty-four hours sitting on the world’s most uncomfortable chairs. I’ve been sending updates every few hours by text, but since my phone died, everyone’s been in the dark.

  “She’s good. I haven’t seen her yet, they aren’t allowing anyone in unless their family. Luckily, I’ve been able to get some information from the nurses. They tell me she’s been up and had something to eat. They also said Mattie’s been very emotional, but she’s doing better. I hope to get in to see her today.”

  Scott shakes his head. “I can’t believe all this. Do you know why this Sarah girl went bat-shit crazy on everyone?”

  “Nope. I’m not asking Jeremy either. I seriously don’t understand why he’s here. I’m sure Mattie will send him away once he gets in to see her.”

  The door opens, and in walks the devil himself.

  Jeremy tells everyone in the room, “Mattie isn’t ready to see anyone else today.”

  I look at his face to try to detect if he’s lying. He looks me straight in the eyes, unwavering. I see a lot in his expression I don’t want to acknowledge.

  There’s pain there. I can see it. I don’t want to acknowledge it though. The last thing I need or want right now is to feel bad for this guy, this jerk. He made his bed. He can’t undo his mistake.

  There is one problem that keeps niggling at me though. Mattie still loves him. She won’t admit it, but I know she hasn’t been entirely successful with her efforts to pry Jeremy from her heart.

  She’ll always have a past with him, but the one thing that comforts me whenever I look at him is knowing Mattie will never go back. He may love her, but she’ll never take him back.

  It’s one of the things I love most about Mattie; she’s fierce in her convictions. She would never settle for a man who cheated. It’s that simple. I let out the breath I’d been holding.

  Jeremy won’t be leaving with the girl. Mattie and I have just started, but I know we’ll have a great future together, filled with laughter, love, music, and someday, maybe even children.

  ∗∗∗

  I never thought I’d be able to fall asleep sitting up in a plastic chair. But that’s exactly what I’ve done. Awakening to every muscle aching, along with my head, I stretch, trying to work out the kinks. I’ve been at the hospital now for three very long days. I don’t mind though. I want to make sure, that when Mattie needs me, I’ll be there for her.

  It’s 6:00am, and the room is empty. My hands unconsciously rub my eyes as I take in my surroundings. I wonder why hospitals always have a fish tank in the waiting room. I look closer and see the token “Nemo” darting around the fake greenery, rocks, and house that apparently are supposed to be calming.

  It’s not working. The muted colors and the beige and tan furniture are also not doing the trick. I just wish I could shake this feeling of dread. Mattie is just fine, they’ve told me numerous times. Nevertheless, until I see her myself, I won’t be able to relax.

  A friendly nurse with the nametag Becca approaches me, “It’s Cade, right?”

  I nod.

  She smiles. “Follow me. Mattie would like to see you.”

  I don’t think, I just pop up out of my seat. “Lead the way!”

  I’m so excited to see her. I want to hold her and tell her everything is going to be okay. I know I can help her get over all this, the violence and the death. Jeremy.

  As I enter the room I notice two things. One, she looks lovely, even in this sterile environment. She’s wearing a print hospital gown, hair tied back, her face scrubbed clean. My heart ratchets up a notch as I take her in. Even with the yellow bruises covering the right s
ide of her face, she looks beautiful. The second thing I notice is her eyes are red, and tear-stained. I approach carefully, not knowing what to expect.

  “Hey.” I know my greeting is lame, but I’m totally without words as I look at her. Relief spreads through me as I take her in. She’s alive, that’s all that matters.

  I need to get a hold of myself. My self-control is waning. All I want to do is take her in my arms and tell her how I feel. I almost lost her.

  I approach her hospital bed slowly. I don’t want to pounce on her like my body and mind are telling me to do. I want to hold her so much, my arms are aching.

  I ask, “Can I sit on the side of your bed?”

  Her warm eyes welcome me as she responds. “Sure, have a seat.”

  She gives a little pat next to her. I sit down beside her as she starts to tell me a story.

  A story I do not want to hear. Please God, no. Please let this be a nightmare.

  Jeremy did not cheat on Mattie. Sarah drugged him and set the whole thing up. As soon as the words leave Mattie’s mouth, I know what this means.

  I can feel my body deflate as I lie next to her on the now cold hospital bed. Did I somehow feel or know this was going to happen? Is this why I’ve been filled with a sense of foreboding?

  I close my eyes, trying to shut out the words. A dull, yet painful ache starts creeping up my spine, radiating out to every cell in my body. As the minutes tick by, the feelings become more intense.

  My breath catches in my throat as a stream of unwanted emotions rush through me

  The torrent of loss and agony storms through my mind, while I desperately hold onto denial, the only thing I have left. Who am I kidding? I’ve lost her. Dread and sadness are pulling me under, making it difficult to breathe